Up, up and away!

Farewell for now my friends. As much as I love blogging and catching up on all the blogworld has to offer I have decided to take an indefinite break.

After many months of ill health and surgeries, I have decided to spend more time getting super healthy. I'm not sure if I'll be back to this blog or not, will play it by ear.

My darling Tinker is amazing as always. She adores preschool. She attends two days per week from 9 til 3. She absolutely loves it. From the very first day she has adored it. Never a tear or a "don't go Mama" she just loves playing with her classmates, learning from the teachers and she even loves the food. Who'd have thought my fussy eater would be one of the best eaters in the class?!

At 2 and a half she speaks like a 5 year old. Clearly and fluently and she continues to raise eyebrows with her quirky sense of humour and wit. She tells jokes and can read numbers 1 through 10, most of the alphabet and continues to love learning Mandarin. She is such a little star< I couldn't be more proud of my girl.

She often asks for a sibling so that is another project for Mama and Papa right now. Our lives are full, we are very lucky.

Take care everyone.

xx Carolyn

Hope & Cells

It is the eve of my little Tinker's first day of pre-school so I thought I'd pop in and update you instead of spending any more time fiddling nervously with her little backpack for tomorrow!

Yes I survived last week, and yes I know I owe you some tales and pictures from our fabulous trip. Alas, real life has the audacity to get in the way of my blog posts.

Someone who read last week's post sent me an email asking me about my miscarriage. They made the point that "in the first trimester it isn't really a baby" and suggested I think not of it as the death of our child but rather a mass of cells.

I appreciate the thought, I take it this particular reader thought their advice might console me in some way, however I couldn't help but share their thoughts with you all. Especially after receiving so many emails from other readers who had suffered similar losses and said they found little understanding from their friends and families.

Everybody is different, and if I am to share with you my feelings about this, it would be to point out that a loss is a loss. It is the sudden end to a lifetime of hopes and dreams for a special little person. Whether that little person resembles a salamander in a sac of a fluid or looks a lot like your Uncle Ned, it doesn't matter. An unborn baby represents hope. From the moment you are blessed with a pregnancy your heart fills with dreams for this little person. If the baby dies before he gets the chance to meet you, he takes all of those dreams with him.

In my case, I had put a lot of weight on the fact that our baby was due around the one year anniversary of my dear friend Alli's death. It warmed my heart knowing that our special little baby would bring so much joy and hope to everyone remembering Alli a year after her death. So for me, losing this baby represents a lot.

It comes at a time when some people are moving on with their lives without Alli and for others, the 6month mark has been a very sad one. I'm in the latter group and after this happening, I am feeling a kind of double-grief. Missing so much, my beloved friend and soul mate and missing also, the hope of this new little life that represented so much for so many of us.

Tomorrow

"Tomorrow can be a wonderful age."

That's what Walt Disney said when referring to Tomorrowland, one of the Magic Kingdom lands he created for his theme parks. We "did" the Hong Kong Disney on the first leg of our trip and then we finished off the Disney experience with a week at Disneyworld in Florida on the way home. Tinker is now Disney-mad.

In the photo above she is meeting Mickey for the first time. Would you believe she actually got tears in her eyes when she realised we were actually going to meet him for real? It was adorable.

The week before we left for Fiji we found out that little Tinker was to become a big sister in October. Such magical news. October will be one year since the passing of our dear Alli and what better way to brighten a tough month with the arrival of a new baby?

Sadly, it wasn't to be. I suffered some complications, a subchorionic hemorrhage that lasted a week and horribly ended in the passing of our dear little baby when we were in London. People are hesitant to talk about miscarriage. I'm not really sure why. I guess the term implies some sort of negligence. I miscarried my baby. I carried my baby badly so he died. That sort of idea? It's a stupid word isn't it- miscarriage? Anyway, I'm not one of those people. Death is part of life and it serves nobody to pretend it doesn't happen.

For me, tomorrow will be a tough day. It marks the 6th month since Alli's death and it is also the day we close the chapter on the pregnancy that wasn't to be because I am having to undergo a surgical removal. Graphic terms really, don't you think? Not as stupid as the term they used on my pre-admission form today - "retained products". What? Products of conception. Oh I see.

Nice.

Anyway, tomorrow IS a new day and tomorrow can be a wonderful age.

I'll be back. xx

Jetsetters

What kind of sneaky blogger says they are back and then vanishes for 6 weeks?
Me!

My husband left his job after 14 years and we decided to take the Fiji trip I mentioned in my last post. A week later, on a bit of a whim we booked a 5 week round the world trip. So that's where I've been. The three of us arrived home today, and gosh I have loads of stories and pictures to share.

Life returns to normal in two days time. My husband starts his new job and I'l be back to bang on about my nutty little life.

See you all then.

Three Bs

Back. Bigger. Better.

Ok so I achieved 1 out of 3 of my promised Bs. I'm Back. Not bigger nor better, but I said I'd be back in February and we have a week of February left, so here I am.

I'm so out of the blogging loop that I'm not even sure where to begin today.

Thank you to everyone who sent me emails of support, kindness and friendship after my last blog post following the passing of my beloved best friend Alli. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to all of you, I did read them all and it was so touching to know that people from all over the world had sent their love.

I have enjoyed my time offline but I'm pleased to back sharing my stories and cruising the blogosphere again. In the past five months my life has bounced up and down and up again. Constant, has been the love of family and friends and the really wonderful times I have with my little Tinker.

Here we are below last week in Fiji enjoying a little family escape. My husband captured such a peaceful moment, we had a really relaxing time. Unless you count the feral hyper child on the plane. That sweet little redhead of mine is a hideous plane traveller!

I'll be back soon with more news. So much has happened, I'm not even sure where to begin blogging again. I will put my thinking cap on with regards to achieving the other two Bs as promised.

xx

Stepford Dreams News Flash!

News flash! My blog will be back, bigger and better than ever in February.

I've missed you all and can't wait to catch up again soon.

Til then, that's all folks!

xCarolyn