Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Tomorrow


"Tomorrow can be a wonderful age."


That's what Walt Disney said when referring to Tomorrowland, one of the Magic Kingdom lands he created for his theme parks. We "did" the Hong Kong Disney on the first leg of our trip and then we finished off the Disney experience with a week at Disneyworld in Florida on the way home. Tinker is now Disney-mad.


In the photo above she is meeting Mickey for the first time. Would you believe she actually got tears in her eyes when she realised we were actually going to meet him for real? It was adorable.

The week before we left for Fiji we found out that little Tinker was to become a big sister in October. Such magical news. October will be one year since the passing of our dear Alli and what better way to brighten a tough month with the arrival of a new baby?

Sadly, it wasn't to be. I suffered some complications, a subchorionic hemorrhage that lasted a week and horribly ended in the passing of our dear little baby when we were in London. People are hesitant to talk about miscarriage. I'm not really sure why. I guess the term implies some sort of negligence. I miscarried my baby. I carried my baby badly so he died. That sort of idea? It's a stupid word isn't it- miscarriage? Anyway, I'm not one of those people. Death is part of life and it serves nobody to pretend it doesn't happen.

For me, tomorrow will be a tough day. It marks the 6th month since Alli's death and it is also the day we close the chapter on the pregnancy that wasn't to be because I am having to undergo a surgical removal. Graphic terms really, don't you think? Not as stupid as the term they used on my pre-admission form today - "retained products". What? Products of conception. Oh I see.

Nice.

Anyway, tomorrow IS a new day and tomorrow can be a wonderful age.

I'll be back. xx







31 comments:

  1. Carolyn, it's lovely to see you back but I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Be gentle with yourself tomorrow and in the coming days/weeks. I'll be thinking of you. Give your gorgeous Tinker (her hair has grown!) lots of kisses and hugs.

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  2. Fantastic to see you back in blog land Carolyn I have so missed your posts : ). I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby and wish you a peaceful time tomorrow. xx

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  3. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I wish we could have been welcoming your baby to the world come October.
    Thinking of you and remembering Alli.

    Jen in Melbourne

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  4. Sorry to hear about that Carolyn. I can understand kinda what you're going through, this happened to me since I started following your blog. But I'm sure there0s someone out there like me, who is not afraid to talk openly about these things, It's the best way to cope with them. xox Nina

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  5. I, too, am happy to see you posting again, and I so wish you the best in the days and weeks ahead. Clinical terminology can be so helpful and so disheartening at once, can't it? Take what timew you need to sort and sort and sort your feelings; they can be shifty buggers...

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  6. I'm glad you are back and I'm sorry for your loss.

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  7. So sorry about the loss of your baby.

    How exciting for your Tinker to enjoy all things Disney - what a lucky little girl! We hope to take our two cherubs in a few years to Disneyland.

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  8. glad you are back and i hope everything goes okay for you today xx thinking of you xx

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  9. It's wonderful to have you back blogging again! Sorry for your loss and what you're going through. But tomorrow will be a better day.

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  10. Welcome back to the blogosphere, lovely to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear of the passing of your dear little baby and I must say you have an amazing outlook. I agree that people should be more open about loss. Life and Death are intertwined and society needs to fully acknowledge both. I wish you the best of journeys through tomorrow-land.

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  11. Very sorry for the loss of your baby. Look after yourself tomorrow and in the next few weeks.

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  12. glad to see you back.
    so sorry to hear about your loss though. I too had one last year but onwards and upwards we have to go hey?

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  13. I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your baby and that October is potentially going to be even more difficult for you. Talking about death, miscarriage, babyloss is a topic close to my heart and I thank you for being generous in sharing/talking about your own loss. xxxxx

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  14. I'm so glad you are back...I've been checking in often since last October. Take care of yourself. x

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  15. I am so sorry. Even just your writing explains the rollercoaster you are on- I squealed with delight at the news of your pregnancy and then got tears in my eyes when I heard of baby's passing in London.

    Thinking of you tomorrow

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  16. Hi Carolyn, you will be in my thoughts tomorrow - I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your darling baby. Look after yourself x

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  17. So happy to see you return to your blog but so sorry to hear of your loss.

    Amazing that it has been 6 months since your dear friend passed away. Tomorrow may be a very hard day for you and your family, but hopefully the next tomorrow will be brighter for you all.

    Your holiday sounds like it was amazing, and I look forward to hearing more about it.

    x

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  18. carolyn your adventures sounded like a lot fun. I was close to going to Tokyo Disney I didn't know that Hong kong has a Disney might go there as we are heading there on the way back from Japan. Sorry to hear about your loss and you are right miscarriage is a horrible word and is often taboo to speak about. I will be thinking about you.

    Miffany

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  19. I hope you're OK and that the next 6 months are kind to you. x P23

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  20. Carolyn it is so lovely to see you back home and back here to your blog home.

    I will keep you in my prayers tomorrow and I am sure Miss Tinker will help with looking after her mummy she is such a tender soul.

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  21. So sorry for your loss
    xoxo

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  22. I'm so sorry for your loss. What an awful thing to happen :(

    I'm selfishly glad you are back blogging though, I love your posts. Good luck with everything, Carolyn!

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  23. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you and your beautiful family as you go through the healing process. xoxo.

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  24. Carolyn,
    Am so sorry to hear of your loss.
    You're right though, tomorrow is always new day.
    Thoughts are with you and family,
    xxx

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  25. Does that mean you were 3 months pregnant?
    I guess talking about it and holidaying is therapeutic, wishing you all the best for surgery.
    I was contemplating visiting Hong kongs Disney but with twin 5 yr olds in tow enroute to Sydney and Melbourne I was frightened i might loose them.
    Would love to hear about your trip though.

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  26. Carolyn, I am beyond excited that you are back and blogging. And for about three seconds I was excited that Tinker would have a sibling in October. Now I'm just so sorry that you have had to endure another loss. There is no rhyme or reason to these things and it would be futile to attempt to justify them, but please know that you again have our support. xxoo

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  27. Carolyn, I only just saw this. I'm so sorry for your loss but I hope things are looking brighter for you now xx

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  28. Carolyn, I lost my baby at 10.5 weeks to exactly the same problem, although my Dr called it a Retroplacental Haematoma it is still the same thing. It's a horrible thing to endure, my heart really goes out to you.

    Telling someone it was just a "bunch of cells" does not help, it is cruel. To whoever it was who emailed Carolyn, please think again before offering someone that kind of advice (ass-vice?), it doesn't make it any easier for the person who has just lost the baby, it makes it hurt even more. It wasn't just the loss of a bunch of cells, it was the loss of a human life and the loss of a much-wanted baby. All the hopes and dreams that women carry are stolen away when their unborn babies die.

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