A gift... Not quite!

toonpool.com

A few weeks ago I was reading this article about the little British girl who at age 2 has joined MENSA. It got me thinking about giftedness and parenting.

When I was at primary school there was a girl called Despina who had no friends at all. She was arrogant and pushy in the playground and very annoying in class. One day I got chatting to her, I must have been about 9. She told me she was a genius and in a few months her parents were sending her overseas to a special school for extremely gifted children. She knew her IQ and went on to tell me all about the yearly testing she had been having since she was 3. I remember feeling rather perplexed and quite sorry for her when told me that she had no friends because "other children will always be intimidated by my intellect, that's why my mum and dad are my friends instead."

I have never had my IQ tested, unless you count those wacky quizzes on Facebook that end up costing you money and sending you weird text messages. I don't think my score would be very high. In fact I think I'm pretty ordinary when it comes to most things. Except folding towels. I'm quite talented with that. Oh and I'm definitely a whizz when it comes to saying the wrong thing. I've got that down to a fine art. In fact if you looked up "foot in mouth disease" you'd see my pretty picture staring back at you.

My daughter, however, is very bright. She is 18 months old and knows most colours, counts to 10, knows most shapes, shares nicely, shows empathy and learns very quickly. She is very funny, she has a cute sense of humour. She is very articulate and asks the funniest and surprising questions. People sometimes tell me she is gifted. I'm not sure I agree with that. According to my family, I was the same at Tinker's age and I'm no bloody genius. I don't think doing things months before other kids makes you a genius. In fact I don't think being extraordinarily bright is a gift at all.

From what I've read, most true genii become academics, many are lonely, most find school very difficult socially and many suffer from depression. Doesn't sound like much fun to me. I wonder what became of Despina, she was so bright and so very lonely. She was awkward and dark beyond her years. I wonder if her parents are happy with the approach they took to raising her. Ruth Lawrence the hot-housed British girl who went to Oxford at age 12 had a tough time and is now completely estranged from her parents.

Kate Hilpern wrote an interesting piece for the Guardian last year. You can read it here. One of the key points I took away from her piece was simply asking the question why? What is the point of accelerating our children so fast that they enter university in their early teens? How does that help them as individuals? In the end when the 19 year olds have their doctorates aren't they then on par with the 40 year olds? What kind of advantage does it give these kids entering the race early when we all end up at the same finish line eventually?

Parenting magazines are full of adverts for companies offering to test your child for giftedness, early entry to school, they offer various approaches to IQ testing. I don't know, I think I'd be very wary of going down that path with my precious girl. What do you think? Of course I'm not saying we should go all Pol Pot like and cripple the clever, but I wonder if things are going a bit too far?

Now I'm the first person to admit that I want Tinker to have the best education we can afford, I want her to be exposed to as many fun new things as she likes. Knowledge is definitely power. I don't want Tinker to be bored at preschool and I set about to find a really special toddler class for her to attend. She starts Mandarin next month and, and yes I do enjoy teaching her new things all day. I think the sky is the limit as far as play based learning is concerned. This is why I am not a lawyer anymore. This is why I choose to be at home with my little bunny. I love teaching her things and watching her grow and learn. It is fun. Hot-housing isn't fun, making your children do things they don't love isn't fun. I guess that's the issue.

Tell me your thoughts on this issue!

Holy Grail...my journey

Don't panic, I have not gone all spiritual lovey dovey self aware on you. I am talking about my journey to find what at times has felt like the Holy Grail.

I wanted so much and I travelled so far, ok fine I didn't cross The Bridge but I did sit in a lot of traffic. Nobody seemed to offer what I wanted. Nobody seemed to offer enough.

What am I drivelling about now? Preschool. I am talking about finding THE preschool. Of course for an exceptional child of Tinker's calibre, I knew I would never find perfection, but I had a list of must-haves and dammit I wasn't going to compromise. Yep that's me, that really annoying demanding fussy mummy with the clipboard and checklist on the preschool tour. Alright I didn't have a clipboard but I totally had a list, in my head.

Being the thorough researchy-type that I am (you can take a mummy out of the courtroom but you can never take the years of law school research lessons out of the mummy) I wanted to make sure I covered my bases and saw all sorts of centres.

I started out viewing a preschool attached to a primary school. Not just any primary school, but an "alternative" style school. One without school uniforms, rules (they have democratic agreements instead) and one where all the children play together. 3 year olds to 12 year olds. I liked the philosophy in parts, I liked how homely the environment was, how passionate and interested the teachers were but there was no way in hell my Tinker was going there. I actually burst into tears when I got back to my car, I was so disturbed by the grubbiness, the idea of 12 year olds playing with my baby... and lets face it. I was a legal aid lawyer but I did it in Ferragamo heels, I'm no hippie and nor is the Tink.

Next I saw some not for profit community ones, meh. Then one that is part of a huge conglomerate of child care centres. Meh. Then I saw a nice private preschool that offered french lessons, specialist music classes and a really yummy menu but still, I wasn't blown away. Every day my girl amazes me with her intelligence, her gentle nature (except when she wallops our dogs) and for her I need to be blown away.

After more mediocrity I found somewhere that sounded exceptional. On paper it ticked all my boxes. For those about to start the hunt, I suggest you come up with your own list but in case anyone cares, here is my list (in no particular order)

* All meals provided, must be made on site by qualified cooks, no processed foods, fresh, wholesome and proper hot lunches. No lame sandwiches thanks.

*Stellar reputation and high quality results in the NCAC accreditation

*Extra curricular activities taught by qualified external staff (baby ballet, yoga, French etc)

*small class sizes with above standard child-teacher ratios

*Exceptionally clean and tidy

*Quality equipment and facilities

*Flexibility when it comes to tailoring activities to suit each individual child (some places have hard & fast rules)

*A transition class for 2-3 year olds to ease them into proper preschool classes at 3

*Parking and safe access for cars (I shudder when I see parents double parking on busy streets, it seems so dangerous)

*Kind staff who are passionate about teaching

*A curriculum that is constantly evolving not some tired old bag of lesson plans

*Gardens and vege patches

*access to animals/ class pets

*Regular activities involving parents at preschool

*Photographic observations of the children

*Proper toddler toilets. I saw so many places with grubby adult sized toilets.

Gosh I had quite a lot more but I'm starting to think you are all reading this and thinking I'm a complete nutcase. Anyway you get my drift. I wanted it all.

I am very very pleased to say that I found a centre that offers it all. 3 teachers per class, 3 small classes. Each day they offer a different extra curricular activity with specialist teachers (yoga, ballet, French etc) and they have a lovely art studio where the children can go in small groups 3-4 at a time to focus on special projects different to the ones they do in class.

All the children and staff eat together and the cooks were lovely, they happily chatted to me about the menu and once a week the children participate in the cooking. They have a vegetable garden and they have farm animals and while I was there I even saw a little wallaby. It isn't too far from home and only minutes from the school we chose for her so I hope she makes preschool friends who will also end up at the same school with her.

I could go on and on but I am certain you are all as bored as anything by now so I'll finish up. My little Tink will hopefully (we are on the waitlist) start there when she is 2 and a half. She will do 2 mornings a week building up to 2 days 9am til 3pm. The plan is for her to stay there til she 5 and ready to attend 'big school'. I am so relieved. My husband, not so much. He isn't as happy as I am that I managed to find the highest preschool fees in the country but I'm sure he will change his mind next year when the little Tinker brings home an "I Love Papa" painting or something.

So there it is, my journey to find the perfect preschool. I skipped the bits where I had to bit my tongue so hard it bled while visiting one of the mediocre centres. The teacher had made a big poster and stuck her little charges photos around a banner saying "Your So Special". I'm sorry but I could never send my bunny to a preschool where the teacher couldn't differentiate between you're and your. I also left out the centre where the director munched on a banana while she gave me the tour. Hello, it's not the zoo!



Opening this up for comments, is anyone else going through the preschool hunt? What have you seen? What have you hated/loved?



image credit lillington baptist.com