Fast Friday Funny - Tinker's Pick

The little Tinker is mad about funny animal videos on YouTube. I made the mistake of showing her one video of a swimming cat and ever since, she demands a new video once a day. Today's video is this silly fat cat dancing. She howls laughing and says "ok now watch it again please" over and over again. So you can thank Tinker for this week's FFF.

Have a great Friday and a great weekend!

Fast Friday Funny - I've found my match

So my husband and I often joke that Tinker may end up having an amazing singing voice. It will go one of two ways. Both my husband and I have HORRID singing voices, possible the worst two in Australia so our procreation could result in the world's worst singer or maybe just maybe it will work the other way. The Tinker could be very gifted...

For me, there is no hope. I cannot sing. I've always been hopeless and I always will be but this girl here, this young Chinese girl has potential. Ok I'm being facetious. She is possibly as bad or maybe even worse than me. The difference between us is that I know I can't sing. Very funny. Watch and see:




I'll be back later today to draw the winner of our giveaway. My Tinker is really sick so I don't know how helpful she will be I may need to rope Henry or Beatrice in her place.

Fast Friday Funny - Telemarketers

Usually I say "no thank you" and hang up on telemarketers but I think I might have something really special up my sleeve after seeing this amusing video below. Check it out. I think this Fast Friday Funny will definitely make you smile. For the non-aussies, turn the sound up because the accents are rather broad Australian ones so you'll want to hear it clearly.



I will be back later this afternoon. Yes, I know you are all itching to hear who wins the amazing giveaway this week!
As some of you know I have managed to secure an appointment with the famous neurosurgeon Dr Charlie Teo for my beautiful best friend Alli. We are headed there today. Please continue to pray for her, cancer is evil but Alli has a fighting spirit, with all of your good thoughts she will get through.
xx

Fast Friday Funny- Breast Feeding Doll

image credit berjuan

Okey dokey so there has been a fair bit of uproar about this Spanish dolly Bebe Gloton. She is a little baby doll who comes with a set of almost-breasts for your child to strap on and use to breast feed the dolly.

Ok so by "almost breasts" I am referring to the crop top with two flowers on the front in place of nipples. When the child holds the dolly up to the flowers the dolly begins to make sucking motions.

Seriously!

People have been horrified by this. Frankly I find it quite amusing and I'm not sure I'm upset by it at all. We have dollies who do little poos and pees in little fake potties. We have dollies who come with bottles of milk, we have dollies who come with fake solid food and we have dollies who swim in the bath. Why is this any different?

Not saying I'm going to buy one puh-lease, but I don't see what the furore is about? How is breastfeeding a sexual thing? That's perverted! It's a feeding issue like the bottle.

I can't even link you through to the doll's official website because it has collapsed due the pressure of a gazillion more hits than ever anticipated, but believe me it's a real doll!

Here is a link to a demo video of Bebe Gloton on youtube.

Anyway it is my fast friday funny for this week and stay tuned I will be back later with the winner of our massive giveaway.

For those who follow me on Twitter, thank you for your prayers and support. Keep on praying for Alli. If you or someone you know has contact with Dr Charlie Teo please email asap thanks x

Fast Friday Funny - Wake n Bacon

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. This is an alarm clock that wakes you with the scent of real bacon cooking. Really. Now for my kosher and halal readers, may I suggest some "turkey bacon" instead?

For the rest of you, here is your big chance to do some damage to your credit card with what has to be one of the funniest inventions on my blog yet. Don't you all want one?!

The creator Matty Sallin says No one likes to wake up, especially by an alarm. This clock gently wakes you up with the mouthwatering aroma of bacon, just like waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of Mom cooking breakfast.

Here is the link to Matty's website you can check out more of his interesting ideas if you like. TGIF people, the weekend is here!

I'll be back later with the name of this week's winner!

Fast Friday Funny - Bitten in McDonalds?

Nope. Not talking about biting a burger.

The Chron newspaper reported earlier this week that some poor bloke reckons he went to Maccas for a burger and left feeling like quite the burger when two female employees bit him and fondled him.

Apparently he is now suing the store and the employees have been charred. I mean charged. Boom tish.

Ok so it's not painfully funny this week.

Bear with me I'm losing my mind to sleep deprivation!

I hope you all have a lovely TGIF, I'll be back later with the winner of our giveaway and then the Tinker and I are off to another doctor's appointment. After that, we will start our weekend. Hopefully doing something fun. I am thinking we might walk to Luna Park. xx

Fast Friday Funny- Puked in my Mouth

Now everyone had seen the Jizz in my Pants video right?



Well this is the girl version, I Puked In My Mouth.



Ok so it is high school humour and I'm oh 10 years out of high school and I have a child and I'm married and I should have better things to do with my time. But I don't. So sue me. I found this quite funny!



It's been a while since the sight of a dorky guy in a nightclub trying out a pick up line has actually made me laugh let alone puke in my mouth but I can still remember some of the most memorable jerks.



Like the time a guy stood on my toe (on purpose) and when I said "ouch, excuse me you are standing on my foot" he replied " I know, I meant to. I got your attention though didn't I? Can I buy you a drink?" Umm no thanks, loser.



Or the time a guy looked me straight in the face and said "my friend over there, he thinks you are really hot, I told him your friend is cuter but I reckon I've got more chance with you, you look more approachable. What do you reckon?"



Uh-huh. Yep. Thanks but no thanks, loser.



Can you recall any failed "pick up lines" losers have tried on you? Gosh I can't believe how old I feel just recalling my "youth", I'm not even 30 yet.

Fast Friday Funny- Names!

I am militant about baby names and I have a terrible time hiding my disdain when friends give their children bogan names or ask my opinion of a possible moniker for their soon to be born baby. What is a bogan name? Well, everyone defines bogan differently but to me a bogan name can be a name that:

*Has been purposely mispelt like "Taylah Jayne"

*Is completely made up, like "Charniqua" or "Beyonce"

*Features often in the Children's Court (ok so I know that there are very few of us who are privy to these details because The Children's Court is a closed court and names are always suppressed, but I can recite a list for you of the 10 most common names in the kids court and the 10 most common names in the care court- i.e the names of the children who are the victims of abuse) #1 name is Jayden and the myriad of spellings that go with it.

*Has become so popular at the Centrelink office that it is now considered "common". Remember that. Popular isn't the same as common.

*Is just plain sillyor cruel like the twins I encountered "Oracle & Miracle" or poor little children of my ex-clients who had these silly names: "Eminem" and "Napolion" yes that was the spelling and no Napolion wasn't a baby boy.

*Sounds like something rude.

The last point on my brief list is the one that I have featured as today's FFF. I have copied this information from the British Telegraph and I think it should give you a little laugh:

Britain's most unfortunate names

(from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics - 25 February 2009)

Jo King and Terry Bull on list of Britain's most unfortunate names They might sound like punchlines to very bad jokes, but real people have been named Helen Back, Jo King and Justin Case, according to researchers investigating Britain's most unfortunate names.
The team also managed to find people whose parents were inconsiderate enough to name them Terry Bull, Mary Christmas, Anna Sasin and even Doug Hole.

A spokesman for online parenting advice service TheBabyWebsite.com, which carried out the study, said: "Parents need to think carefully when choosing names for their children.

"Their name will be with them for life and what may be quirky and fun for a toddler might be regretted terribly when that person becomes older or even a grandparent perhaps."
For Stan Still, 76, living with his name has been a test of his patience.

The retired RAF airman, from Cirencester, Gloucs, said: "My name has been a blooming millstone around my neck my entire life.
"When I was in the RAF my commanding officer used to shout 'Stan Still, get a move on' and roll about laughing. It got hugely boring after a while."

Meanwhile, Rose Bush, from Coventry, West Mids, said the connotations of her name have seldom been a cause of mockery.
The 51-year-old author said: "I love my name. It has caused me no trouble whatsoever. People like it. I always get comments about it but they are always very positive."

The month-long survey also managed to hunt down a Paige Turner, Chris Cross, Barry Cade, Sonny Day, Teresa Green, and Ray Gunn.
Doug Hole of Penrith refused to talk about his name. He said: "I don't want to be involved just because I have an unusual name."
Beyond Britain's shores, the study found Americans called Anna Prentice, Annette Curtain, Bill Board and Carrie Oakey.

Medical professionals also provided some entertaining titles such as Dr Leslie Doctor; Dr Thoulton Surgeon; Dr Payne, a plastic surgeon from Ohio; and Les Plack, a dentist from San Francisco.
While Dr Sumey is likely to invite more than his fair share of lawsuits from disgruntled patients.

BRITAIN'S MOST BIZARRE NAMES

Barb Dwyer
Pearl Button
Ray Gunn
Helen Back
Stan Still
Jo King
Lee King
Terry Bull
Mary Christmas
Max Power
Paige Turner
Sonny Day
Tim Burr
Teresa Green
Will Power
Anna Sasin
Chris Cross
Doug Hole
Justin Case
Barry Cade

Worldwide

Anna Prentice
Annette Curtain
Bill Board
Carrie Oakey
Dr Leslie Doctor
Dr Thoulton Surgeon
Dr Payne
Les Plack
Priti Manek
Dr Sumey

TGIF, have a great weekend folks and make sure you hang about today, when the Tinker is up from her midday nap we will draw a winner!

Fast Friday Funny- An unusual Tool

Ok so if you are using your work computer you probably can't see this funny You Tube video recording of an advert. It is for a product called Kush. They have their own webstore here.

The Kush Support is a totally serious product, I thought it was a joke but after some investigating (aka googling) I can confirm that the Kush really is something that women (maybe some men) pay real (not monopoly) money to have in between their breasts.

The picture says it all. I took it from their site. They even have skin tone coloured ones for fair and dark skinned breasts. I guess the idea is for them to blend in. Not sure how any phallic shaped foam covered plastic object could blend in with a woman's bosom...

The Kush is designed to "offer comfort for:

Side Sleepers
C-Cup Breasts or Larger
Breast Implants
Post-Operative Recovery
Pregnancy
Nursing Mothers
Preventing Cleavage Wrinkles
Proper Spine Alignment "

Also on the Kush site Kathinka Chandler (lets not make jokes about her being a big "thinker" now will we?) CEO says that:

A few years ago, I began to notice the appearance of wrinkles in my cleavage area. No matter how much I used creams or exercised, the creases didn’t go away. So I began to research the cause and learned a lot.

Now, as a result of developing her absolutely amazing product our mate Kathinka the Thinker not only sleeps easy at night but she says I feel better about my appearance during the day. Kush is a dream come true.

So there you go ladies. Another fabulous product. It's fair to say this one won't be making it's way over to my weekly Monday Giveaway section anytime soon. So sorry to disappoint, at least I gave you a laugh though. Right? TGIF. Have a great weekend! Back shortly to draw our Pork Chop winner!

Fast Friday Funny - Train talk

One thing I do not miss about working in the CBD is having to take public transport every day. While nobody wants to be sardine packed into the back of an overweight sweaty McDonalds Coffee drinking loser from the photocopy room for 20 minutes, there are some good things about Sydney's trains.

Alright I exaggerated. There is only one thing. Listening to other people's really silly conversations. I love a good eavesdrop, In fact I was disappointed we bought the swankiest baby monitor on the block because I was secretly looking forward to picking up on my neighbours phone calls via the cheap monitor feedback.

For anyone who follows me Twitter you'd know I had an interesting start to my day on Wednesday when I had to go the ER at the Sydney Eye Hospital. That place is medieval, half an hour there would make for an entire blog of horror stories but this is meant to be a Fast Friday Funny so I won't go there now. Anyway I caught the train there. Again, let's not go there. A train ride to the ER? No taxis and I couldn't drive because of my eye situation.

Anyhoo the point of the worlds most longwinded blog intro is that MX magazine publishes a column of commuters' funny eavesdropping tales and here are a few I thought might give you a giggle this morning.

Girl: "I'm going to get a nose job"

Boy: "Why?"

Girl: "So my children won't get a big nose"
Boy: "Isn't it in your genes??

_

Girl on phone: "She's like, such a loser. I can't believe she forgot your birthday. OK, so it wasn't actually your birthday that day, but still."

_

Guy to friend: Don't listen to him, he;s a telepathical liar."

_

Girl reading MX: "Why is he on the front page?"

Friend: "because he is famous"

Girl: "Who is he?"

Friend: "Dunno."

Have a very happy Friday, will be back shortly to draw the winner of our giveaway. You have an hour left to enter before Tinker gets up. Click here to enter!

Fast Friday Funny- Kevin oh Kevin

I had typed out quite an essay of an intro for this week's funny Friday footage but then I deleted it because, lets face it. This video speaks for itself.

I am mindful of the fact that many of the people who read my little blog are from other parts of the globe, so to help you out I'll just direct you to please look at the gentleman in the video to the left of your screen behind the man speaking. This fellow is Kevin Rudd, he is our Prime Minister. Please just watch what he does. Oh and the lady seated in front of him is Julia Gillard. She is Deputy Prime Minister. Her hair is no longer hot pink.

Here is the video. You do not need sound for this one. I just don't know what to say, I have no commentary. It is just too ikky. I know this is old news but it is funny news.

Fast Friday Funny - Don't touch the hair!

TGIF and not just any Friday. For us it is a long weekend. We are heading down to Bowral for the Cool Flavours weekend for a catch up with some great girlfriends of mine. It will be f-f-freezing down there so I'll enjoy rugging the little Tinker up in her winter woollies and hiding my not-yummy mummy body under a million layers. Have I mentioned how much I love the cold months?

Speaking of wintry weather, does anyone else hate it when they blow dry their hair on a windy day and the breeze blows the hair into your lipgloss which then gets smeared across your face? Pet hate of mine. Right after trying to eat noodles with my hair out. I always end up with soup in my hair.... well well well do not fear dear readers. The good folk in Japan at the crazy invention factory have the latter problem all sorted.

Here it is people, the gadget that protects your great blow dry from your hot soup, what more could you want?

Tinker and I are about to draw the winner of the giveaway now so stay tuned to see if you have won! Oh and it looks like we will have another fabulous giveaway next week as well so be sure to check back here for details. Is anyone else up to something special this weekend? Or maybe something not so special that you want to rant about?

What Children See

Ok so you should whizz over this post if you are bored of my playgroup stories because here comes another one.

Tinker and I braved the soggy weather this morning and went along for another morning of teal paint splatters on my violet Gucci hobo bag *ahem* I mean another morning of fun and creativity...

Things were going quite well, I had my takeaway latte and my little bunny had her biscuit. Things were good on the baby trampoline. Sun was starting to peek through and I was not feeling as fat as I had when a mirror was in sight.

I noticed a little boy playing with a big and a small ball. He was about 5 years old and he was sitting over near the playroom where most of the older kids play. I noticed none of the others were playing with him and I saw that he kept bouncing the ball toward them and his mum would fetch it and bounce it back. He was making some big sounds but they weren't proper words. I saw that he had Down Syndrome.

My heart sunk and I felt tears in my eyes, the ones I still get everytime I see a Huggies ad or read anything involving children and babies. The day I became pregnant something in me clicked and I became a massive softie who cries at least once a day over anything to do with little ones. Tinker had seen the balls and made a beeline for the little fellow. I was so pleased. She was so cute playing with him and he was so happy to have a ball bouncing partner even if she did occasionally steal it when he hadn't finished bouncing it. After a while she tired of the game as all toddlers do, she only has a short attention span so we went over to the baby cars for a while.

I feel really guilty that I didn't chat with his mummy, but the truth is I was doing that blinking thing. You know the thing where you blink really hard and really slowly when you don't want to cry in public? I felt so sad for her that I couldn't even bear to make eye contact with her at all. I was so angry with the other older kids there. I felt like pushing them over or at least smearing them with a bit of the paint Tinker splashed on my bag.

I didn't think children that young were able to see difference like that. I didn't think kindergarten kids could be so discriminatory? I was horrified and I am still feeling those tears as I type this post. That lovely little boy, his mother's heart must break every day she encounters people treating her little fellow differently. Gosh I feel sad when kids point to my stunning Tinker with her hair like spun rose-gold and say "look that baby has ORANGE hair ha ha!!"

Today really crushed me, I think it says so much about how important it is to be good teachers for our kids. My parents always taught me to be kind to everyone no matter how different they were to me. I grew up playing with wonderful Austistic children because of my dad's job. I never understood why other kids would make fun of children with disabilities.

What are your thoughts on this, was I wrong to feel cross with those children, should their parents have encouraged them to play with the little boy, could it have been a coincidence, what do children see when they see kids who are different?

Oh and on a completely shallow meaningless housekeeping note, how do I get the paint off the canvas on my bag?

Fast Friday Funny- slippers and paper weights

It is Friday, thank goodness. This has been a looong week for me, how about you? Anything exciting planned for the weekend? Nothing on here, and I'm pleased.
Now for my Fast Friday Funny. I'm not entirely sure of the veracity of this one but it is pretty funny anyway.

Here is the original article. An Indian defendant waiting around in court removed a slipper from his foot and threw it at a judge because he felt the court process was dragging on too long. In response the judge threw a paperweight at the defendant.

Okaaay. This tickled me for a number of reasons:

1. How funny that the defendant was wearing slippers in court.

2. I am all too familiar with the painfully slow court process and have at times fantasised about hurling things at the judge. Maybe not slippers maybe my really big fat Halsbury's.

3. The fact that the Bar Association protested in DEFENCE of the judge. What the? If that happened here, I can assure you we would be complaining about the behaviour of the judge. A paperweight thrown at a defendant?

4. Surely this a simple case of "setting the right example" and the judge was totally out of order in my opinion.

Fast Friday Funny ~ Laughing all the way FROM the Bank

Ok so this isn't exactly roll on the floor splitting your sides funny, but it really did make me chuckle. Maybe for the wrong reasons, I suppose it does show a rather immoral side of my character...

I read THIS news story. A couple has fled New Zealand after their bank accidentally gave them access to $10M (that is just under $8M Aus). Oops.

Ok so I know it is stealing and all, but I couldn't help but laugh. Especially in this climate where banks are really being portrayed as the bad guys ripping off the little guy, I quite enjoyed having a little laugh at the bank's expense.

It got me wondering, what would I do? Well, I'd definitely tell the bank of their mistake and not touch a cent but that is because I know I'd be caught otherwise, and because I like living here and would hate to spend the rest of my life in hiding. You can't exactly live the high life if you are hidden. Though I guess Skase did in Majorca and what's his name the guy with the bad wig in Greece...

So then I started daydreaming about what I'd do if the bank accidentally gave me $100Million and then things got a little more interesting... You can tell the Tinker had a long afternoon nap today can't you?! I was thinking that for me to do a massive runner and live in hiding like that, it would have to be a truckload of cash. $10M wouldn't cut it. I'd blow that much just sneaking out of the country what with the hair extensions and Nicole Kidman nose prosthesis a la Virginia Woolf.

No, I'd need some serious cash. I'm thinking maybe a minimum of $100M and then what would I do? Where would I go? What would my name be? How could I wrangle an amazing education for the Tinker while we are on the run? Would I have to go all fake Rockerfeller and assume another identity? How would I sneak the friends and family into the suitcase...

My husband can fall asleep any time, he just needs a slight recline and zzzz he is asleep. Me on the other hand, I struggle. I can, however, launch myself into an intricate daydream at any time, anywhere. These are some of the crazy things that I think about. I also have regular daydreams that I turn my mind to from time to time. Like the 'if I could be anyone who would I be?' and the 'if I was a real life princess what would I wear?' (think Letizia from Spain not wanky Mary of Denmark...

So tell me, do you have 'regular daydreams' like me? And what are your thoughts on the couple who skipped all the way from the bank in New Zealand into the dodgy underground life of the incognito wig wearing crim.

Man-Flu, A Fast Friday Funny

So many of you have mentioned man-flu as being one of the worst things ever. Having to look after a grown man acting like a baby because of a simple cold or other minor complaint. Well I read a funny article about it this morning. You can read all about it HERE. Basically it says that men are the weaker sex, with women having stronger hormones and a stronger immune system.

Not sure whether I should tell my dear husband about this study to poke fun at him or whether it will just add fuel to the "I'm dying of a man-cold" syndrome. I found this hilarious website HERE where tragic male victims of man-flu can go for sympathy when their wives have had enough of nursing the the moaning man afflicted with man-flu.

Here is a funny video as well. Sorry guys, you are a soft target.

Have a great Friday everyone, and an even better weekend!

Dancing in Belgium and Rosco

My mother, God love her has only just discovered YouTube and she thinks this is the funniest video ever. She forwarded me the email the other day and then asked me about 100 times a day whether I had seen it yet. It is quite sweet really but not funny enough for this week's Fast Friday Funny so I kept on looking and I found this for you.

My best friend and her husband recorded this documentary and put it on YouTube because this clip is just too horrible not to share.

How WRONG is this fellow "Rosco" and what's with his mother? Holy moly there are some freaks about! I can't believe how hideous this clip is.

It isn't a joke either. It is a real documentary, this is a real family and this really happened. Oh and how fugly is their house, it is like some sort of nasty Australian time warp. It is all so awful.

"in some ways she looked like a Chinese version of Mum."

It is just every kind of wrong. Funny though because they are all so gross!

So there you have it. A Fast Friday Funny for this week, and a horrid one at that. Don't say I never give you things. I have now given you nausea for the rest of the day.

Have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend.

On Sunday (Mothers Day) I am doing the 4km run for cancer as part of the Mothers Day Classic. I'd love it if you could get behind me and spare a few dollars, to sponsor me you just click here though I can't guarantee my survival! As you know I've had this horrible flu all week and have not done any exercise for about a month and even then it wasn't really exercise. I did have a trial run a couple of weeks ago and only made it 1.2km so how I'll get through 4km on Sunday I do not know! I promised photos and I will deliver. They won't be pretty!

Cuggle?

"Mama cuggle now?" This is how my Tinker asks for a cuddle. It is the cutest little sentence and I get to hear it about a million times a day, never tiring of it.

She loves to hug her toys, her soccer ball, her sippy cup, our dogs, and today a new one- my shoes! She said "oh cuggle shoes, nice!" have I mentioned how cute she is?!

Anyway it got me thinking about that creepy guy who offers free hugs in the city. Who hasn't seen this guy? He was even featured in a music video!

New age positive thinking types adore him. He is their new loved up Che type character. I'm surprised there aren't masses of t-shirts with this bloke's head on them really.

You can read about him here if you aren't up to date already.

Yes I'm a cold hearted cynic! Am I what the rap singers would call a "hater?" I don't know. I just find that kind of stuff really cringe-worthy and I'm not into it at all.

Just for a laugh because it is Friday and I like to give you a Fast Friday Funny each week. I have found you THIS video. It really is good. I love that this guy has decided to take the mushy free hug guy on and the free hug guy really hates it. Gold!

Enjoy your Friday and your weekend!

xx

Fast Friday Funny

TGIF!

So here is my weekly Fast Friday Funny

Poor ol' Don, every photo I see of her scares me even more. Her tandoori tan and her scary white hair. Lips like The Joker... The plastic surgery she keeps having is just frightening. She is almost like an alien thing. Such a shame what these celebs do to themselves.

This delightful picture can be found on one of my all time favourite blogs for a laugh. Awful Plastic Surgery. Cruel but oh so entertaining.

Like Mother Like Daughter

Tinker and I have a playdate filled day today so I'm just going to post a Fast Friday Funny for you all rather quickly.

Check this out: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1170348/The-50-year-old-mother-spent-10-000-surgery-look-like-daughter.html#

Now lets just look past the bad shoes, and scary blonde extensions that look like a pair of cheap barbie wigs. What on earth is going on here? Clearly the mother has a case of Gerontophobia- fear of growing old but heck she has some other crazy issues too. Oh so so wrong.

HOw shocking, imagine having your mum turn around and say "you know what darling you are so much better looking than I am. I think I'm going to spend my life savings on plastic surgery so I can look JUST LIKE YOU."

Noooooo. This is just all kinds of wrong and I don't have anything to say, I'm just going to have a little vomit in my mouth and move on with my day.

Image from http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/i-barfd.jpg