Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Italian Job

image credit photobucket littlemenace-4

It's a sad day when the mention of the word 'mafia' conjures images of random Russian gangsters with gold bedazzled D&G t-shirts isn't it? There was something kind of charming about the Italian Mafia. Maybe it is all the movies, maybe it is Al Pacino and maybe it is Tony Soprano but whatever it is, I like thinking of Sicily and spaghetti and chinotto in smokey wood panelled meat shops when I hear the word mafia. I don't want to think of grunting Russian men called Vladimir .

So today I had another one of my conspiracy thoughts. Just when I was pondering the fall of the Italians when it comes to mafiose and the rise of the Eastern Euros I discovered something very disturbing in my pantry. As some of you know, I am pedantic about my pantry being crumb free and I like to wipe the shelves constantly making sure everything is nicely positioned. My spices lined up in matching jars with labels I made for them all in an alphabetical row... Today I noticed my little jar of ground porcini was alive. Alive!

It had been infiltrated. An army of wheat weevils. Weevils. In MY pantry. On the very shelf I had wiped down with bleach yesterday as I tend to do every few days to kill germs. I was horrified to say the least. I only bought that packet of ground porcini last week. I had only recently very carefully siphoned it into the jar that I had labelled with the label machine I made my husband reluctantly borrow from his PA.

Now what does this have to do with the Italian Mafia? A lot. Only twice has my pantry come under fire by weevils. Earlier this year I found them in a brand new unopened packet of flour. Not just any flour. Molino Caputo tipo 00 flour for pizza dough. It was outrageously expensive but made for some amazing crusts. Anyway I had to throw it out and from then on I have stored my flours in the fridge. Never would I have imagined these evil weevils could get into my porcini powder but what do you know? There they were.

Coincidence? No. I think not. I think the Italian Mafia is making a comeback. By stealth mode. They are striking where they never used to strike. In the home. Right where it hurts, into the heart of the good mammas everywhere. The pantry. They are smuggling flour weevils in, obviously they are going for world domination on a massive scale. They are known for their love of the traditional female role so nobody would suspect them of this. But not me, not a single trick gets past this quick witted lawyer turned housewife. I'm onto them.

Don't forget people, you heard it here first. Oh and buy a bigger fridge if you buy Italian imports for your cooking. You'll want to keep it all in there from now on. -4 degrees C stops weevils.


  1. hahahaha!! i kept saying "evil weevil" and laughing. i found a trail of ants in my house the other day so i sprayed them with bleach. bugs outside=fine with me. bugs in my house=bugicide.

  2. I did not even know what a weevil was. I looked it up after reading this.


    The Italians might stand a chance against the Russians with tactics like these. :)

  3. Your post is outright amusing :)) Your histrionics and wild imagination is a source of much mirth.

  4. Weevil's are the worst!! once you get them you can't ever get rid of them!!! It's like they sit dormant just waiting for you to put some grate flour in there for them to sifen through!! You can use all the bleach in the world but they will always be there. The best thing to do is invest in lock and seal tupperware jars. Put your starches in those and they will keep everything weevil free! The time to act is now!! SAVE THE STARCHES BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!! THE WEEVILS WILL STOP AT NOTHING!!! After that you can walk in with your head held high because not only did you learn to concer the mop conspiracy but you have now officially concered the weevils!!

  5. This is hilarious! Hopefully you can rid yourself of the invaders quickly.

  6. My goodness it must be a conspiracy! How else would they get in when you have the shelves so clean?

  7. C your artcle has inspired me to commence Project Pantry. Mine is a total disaster.

  8. You have the most awesome imagination! Gut wrenching hilarious! I am awe inspired by the fact you clorox your shelves. You go girl! What would you do if mice (horrors!) invaded??

    Mice are only cute in children's books -take it from this thirtysomething mummy! I LOVE calling myself MUMMY! It's so.....cultured!